When I was a teenager my grandma gave me a book on table manners. It included setting the table, how to act at the table and afterwards. After getting over the shock of reviving such a gift I really read it. I totally learned a few things that I have carried with me through adulthood. Manners can be a great way to get off to the right start at a party, event or social engagement. I hope that when I send my kids over to a friend or relatives house they will be polite, respectful and show off their good manners.
Basic manners are a way of treating others with respect and behaving with self control, discipline, and selflessness. Good manners are important for considering the feelings of other people and being the kind of person that others will like and respect.
My big hope is that I raise pretty decent human beings. That they are respectful and kinds when they are around others and treat people properly. Teaching them manners is one way to help them grow socially and hopeful be great kids.
Top 10 Table Manners
I tend to like lists, they give me something to work towards and check off once I have accomplished it. Of course behaviors are not really something I can check off 100%, they need work constantly. But having a list gives me a reference point and road map on what to work on. So here is a list of 10 manners you can focus on when teaching your children table manners:
- Chew with your mouth closed. This hasn’t been a big issue with my older kids but my toddlers love to talk and chew at the same time. It can get messy, and is pretty gross. The potential for choking is there as well, so teaching them to take smaller bites, chew and swallow before biting again or talking is a great habit to get into.
- Keep devices off the table. Wait to check calls and texts until you are finished with the meal and away from the table. We try to keep dinner time undistracted. Have you ever gone out to a restaurant and seen a family where no one is engaging, they are all on phones talking to other people. It makes me sad to see that disconnection in a family. If you had dinner guests over and were on your phone the entire time your guest would feel unimportant. So set a good example and keep devices away from the table.
- Use your utensils as intended. For small children this usually means use utensils instead of your hands. Kids learning to use a fork or spoon may struggle and eat quicker with hands, but take the time to teach them. It gets gross to eat with your hands when you get older. My 6 year old tries to eat with her hands all the time and it’s very unattractive. Also use your utensils gently, don’t try to stab your food or shovel your food into your mouth.
- Don’t pick your teeth at the table. This is another gross habit that can be remedied by excusing yourself to the restroom or mirror.
- Use your napkin to wipe your face, not the back of your hand or clothing. Once a child gets into the habit of wiping their hands on their clothing it can be hard to break. I will come after my toddler with a napkin when he gets food on his hands and he is pretty quick to wipe his hands on his shirt before I even get to him. It’s become second nature for him so I try to remind to use a napkin by placing a napkin at his seat at the beginning of a meal.
- Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink. This goes along with chewing with your mouth closed, but also teaching your kids to chew completely before drinking. We have a friend who’s son will eat a bite and wash it down with his drink. Mostly because he doesn’t like what he is eating. That could fly with a parent, but if your child did that with a friend or family member it could hurt their feelings that the food is not appreciated. It’s best manners to eat slowly and take care while doing it.
- Cut only one piece of food at a time. This manner was a surprise to me as a teen, it wasn’t something I really thought about. But it goes along with taking your time while eating. Cut one piece of meat and then chew completely and swallow before cutting another one. Just imagining this reminds me of fancy dinners, I often eat quickly and am not as patient. This might be something to work on for older kids. I know I cut all my kids food before serving them because I don’t want to constantly be cutting their food at the table.
- Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating. Posture is not only important while playing an instrument or sitting in class. There are proper manners to have at a dinner table as well. My kids don’t even have sitting down still for a whole meal down so we are first working on not leaning back or to the sides in the chair.
- Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you. Keeping your body in your own space is important when interacting with others. Leaning over another person or invasion their space to reach something may be unwelcome. Asking for a dish to be passed can also increase interaction with others at the table.
- Take part in dinner conversation. Sometimes we come to the table for a meal a little grumpy or upset. In shoes cases it may be best not to participate if nice words can’t be used. Generally a family meal is a great way to grow social skills and gain experience talking about important issues, dreams and conflict in a healthy manner. Practice conversation in a healthy environment where your children can learn from loved ones how to interact and behave.
Some of these manners may take work to master, others may need reminders occasionally. Just imagine going to a dinner party and having your child be on their best behavior with amazing manners the whole time. That is one of my goals, hopefully it happens some day!
Do’s and Don’ts at the Table
In addition to table manners there are some general do’s and don’ts for how to behave at the table. Here are a few to consider.
Do wash hands before you eat. It is a great habit to get into the routine of washing your hands before you sit down at the table. Who knows what germs can be on hands from the day. It’s a great idea to teach children to wash while they are young so they keep the habit as they get older.
Don’t voice negative opinions. It hurts feelings when someone says ‘I hate this food’ or ‘this looks disgusting’ at the dinner table. It’s also pretty rude. If you allow your child to say it at home they will probably say it to someone else when not at home as well. Especially when a friend or family member isn’t used to catering to your child’s appetite. We have yet to curb these phrases at our table. But we usually front load our kids when eating with friends and family so they watch what they say or keep the grumbling to a minimum. I can’t recall them being rude this way with others, but I would bet it has happened without my presence.
Do give everything a try. This one is a struggle for my son Anderson. He is in a picky eater stage and will see food prepared a new way and decide he doesn’t like it. We battle and get him to try a bite or two and he often ends up liking it. If he tries the food and still doesn’t like it we don’t force him to finish. Hopefully encouraging him to try something else he may like next time. Trying new foods is a great way teach your children to eat more than chicken nuggets and fries for every meal.
Don’t do touch all the food before selecting yours. If food is being served on a platter or rolls are served in a basket don’t touch all the food to try to get a piece from the bottom or the one that looks the best. Look quickly at what is provided and then take the first one you touch.
Do ask to be excused. We just started requiring our children to ask before being excused from the table. Mainly because they would take mostly full plates back to the kitchen claiming they were full only to be hungry 10 or 20 minutes later. Now that they ask to be excused we can make sure they have tried everything on their plate at least once and have eaten a good portion of food off their plate. This also keeps them at the table a little longer. We have one child who eats quickly and then wants to get up and play. This usually leads to the younger children also wanting to get up even though they haven’t finished eating yet. Asking to be excused keeps everyone at the table while everyone finishes eating.
Do keep the conversation clean. As you teach your children dinner table conversation encourage them to keep topics light, clean and positive. A lot of kids talk potty talk, because they think it is funny. Potty talk is inappropriate while others are eating just to get some laughs. Don’t talk about anything medical or concerning bodily functions either. We don’t want to gross anyone out while they are eating. Instead we like to direct the conversation and ask the kids “what their favorite part of the day was?” and go on to ask each person to respond. We do this so often that Anderson has begun starting the question as we all sit down, he will go around and ask each person and really listen to the answers.
Other Behaviors to Encourage at Dinner Time
When it comes to serving dinner or a family meal there are lots of little jobs your kids can help with. We like to have our kids help out with lunch or dinner so they understand some of the effort that goes into preparing a meal and cleaning up afterward. We want to encourage our littles to be helpful and respectful and giving them a task is a great way to accomplish that.
Setting the table is a great activity to give 4 – 7 year olds. Our littles are 2, 5 and 6 so at this point I ask them to get out forks, knives and napkins and set the table. I usually plate food in the kitchen before serving on the table so they don’t need to get out plates. If they don’t already have drinks I will ask them to get out cups and pour milk, water or juice for themselves and siblings.
We mostly have casual family dinners with just a fork and don’t need to set proper place settings. However if you do want to teach your children proper place settings there are a few simple rules. The first rule is a great basic to teach your children. Only set the table with utensils you will use. If you don’t need a spoon there is no reason to put it out on the table. The second rule is utensils are placed on either side of the plate in order that they will first be used or from the outside in. If you have courses to your meal starting with salad a salad fork will be placed first with a dinner fork placed next to it in the second position working your way towards the plate. The last basic rule to follow is forks go on the left of the plate and knives and spoons go on the right. If there is dessert that utensil will sit above the plate to be used at the end of the meal.
Table clean up is another big chore after a meal. We typically have each person bus their own dishes and cups from the table to the kitchen. The kids pile their plates on the counter or set them in the sink. I also have one child clean up any dirty napkins or food left out and wipe down the table. If a meal or child was especially messy and spilled on the floor or chair we have them wipe that up as well.
Helping with dishes is great for children ages 5 and up who can reach the sink with a stool or on their own. Have them take extra care with glasses and dish wear, little bumps on the counter or sink may chip or break dishes if they are not careful. Have your child dump any left over food into the trash and rinse off dishes in the sink. Also show our child how to load a dishwasher. A little tip I use is to load from the back to the front. That way they can find plenty of space for all the dishes.
I also recommend teaching your child how to cook simple dishes to get them further involved in meal time prep.
These are just basic manners and table etiquette to teach our child. As your kids age they will learn more and get better at being polite and kind.