I love when my kids learn to change themselves, its one huge step towards independence and makes the mornings go smoother when I am not needed for help. Some kids love getting dressed and will change clothes multiple times a day if allowed. Other kids hate it and fight changing each and every time. Getting your child excited about getting dressed for the day means one less thing on the parent to-do list so lets figure this out together.
We like to pick out our clothes for the day the night before. My daughter is usually the first one up in the mornings and she likes to get dressed before heading down stairs. Having her clothes set out allows her to do this independently. My boys are another story. Anderson can dress himself but needs a nudge in that direction. He would remain in Pj’s for a while if allowed. Oliver isn’t dressing himself yet, he can remove clothes and is typically cooperative when we dress him, but it will be another year or so until he can do most dressing on his own.
Dressing Milestones
Every child develops at their own rate, but generally there are milestones most children hit at certain times. You can use this list to see where your child should be in regards to dressing themself and help them catch up if they are behind. Here are some basic guidelines I got from my sister who is an occupational therapist:
12 months of age:
- Help or at least cooperate getting dressed by putting arm or leg out or though clothing
18 months of age:
- Takes off hats
- Can take off socks
- Can place loose fitting hat on head
2 years of age:
- Can remove shoes
- Can zip once hook is set and can unzip
- Can button large flat buttons
2 1/2 years of age:
- Puts socks and shoes on with assistance (may need help with matching up the correct feet and tying shoes)
- Pulls down pants (may need help with fasteners)
- Can undresses (jacket, shirt, pants, shoes, socks, underwear) with minor assistance for ties and buttons)
3 years of age:
- Takes off front-opening clothing
- Pulls up loose-fitting pants or shorts from floor to waist
- Dresses self (hats, shoes, socks, pants, underwear, shirt, jacket, coat). May need assistance for ties and buttons. May also need assistance identifying front and back, left and right.
- Dresses self with supervision (pullover shirts, coats, dresses)
3 1/2 years of age:
- Independently pulls pants down from waist to feet
- Buttons large buttons independently and in order
- Takes shoes off completely voluntarily or when asked
- Puts shoes on correct feet
- Unzips and unsnaps clothing independently
- Puts hands through both armholes of front-opening clothing like a buttoned shirt or jacket
- Removes pull-over clothing from both arms and attempts to pull over head
4 years of age:
- Takes off pull-over clothing completely, may need some assistance if head gets stuck
- Takes off front-opening clothing completely
- Puts on pull-over shirt in correct front/back position
- Puts sock on all the way
- Lines up and closes at least one snap on clothing (e.g., pants, shirt)
4 1/2 years of age:
- Unbuttons front-opening clothing
- Buttons front-opening clothing
- Puts on weather-appropriate clothing without prompting
- Tightens shoelaces by pulling up or out
5 years of age:
- Places jacket or coat on designated hook or place
- Undresses daily at designated times
5 1/2 years of age:
- Dresses independently when asked
- Tucks in shirt
6 years of age:
- Ties shoes
- Independently zips up front-opening clothing
- Puts on activity-appropriate clothing without prompting
- Selects clean clothing and changes underclothes regularly
- Places front-opening garment on hanger and hangs it up
6 1/2 years of age:
- Independently ties shoelaces
- Turns clothing right side out
While making this list I saw some areas my children can work on to get up to their age group, but also found some areas that they are more advanced in. As I mentioned kids all develop differently so don’t stress about them biting into each age group. If you have concerns I would recommend reaching out to your pediatrician for direction.
Tips For Helping Kids Dress Themselves
Our daughter has always been more independent and wants to do things on her own. She’s the one who wakes up on her own, gets dressed, gets her own snack and watches tv while the house is quiet. She loves to pick out what she wants to wear, change when she gets hot or cold and organize her closet and dresser frequently. She was quick to cooperate when getting dressed as a toddler and pick up most of the steps on her own. I don’t even remember her having trouble with buttons or snaps. Some kids are easy to teach independent dressing too, consider your self lucky if its a smooth learning process.
My son on the other hand has a different personality. He is more mellow, easy going and willing to let others do things for him. He took longer to learn to dress independently because he isn’t in any hurry to figure it out. He just turned 5 and can dress and undress himself just fine. He learned buttons and zippers but will ask mom or dad for help before trying himself. He can put on his shoes and socks but often doesn’t pay attention and puts them on the wrong feet. Dressing just isn’t a priority for him, he would much rather be talking to someone, playing or building something.
It has taken more instruction and time to help Anderson learn to dress himself and here are a few tips we have learned along the way:
- Buttons were by far the hardest for him to learn. Most of the time buttons on a button up shirt are tiny, and he struggled with the fine motor skills required to push and pull the buttons through. We found some larger buttons on clothing and had him practice a ton. Every time he was successful we would cheer him on and encourage him to tell everyone around his accomplishments. As he got better at larger buttons we found smaller and then smaller buttons to practice with. I try to choose a button shirt for him to wear a few times a week so he can get practice. He still needs help with smaller buttons occasionally but practicing large buttons has been very helpful.
- We only have a few pants that have snap button closures. Generally my boys slide pants on and off. The struggle with snaps is having the strength to push the closure closed. A great way to build up these muscles is to encourage your child to play with tweezers to pick up small items like dry beans or rice. That pincer grip required with the tweezers will translate to trying to close a snap.
- Sometimes figuring out what is the front and back of clothing can be a little tricky. A huge graphic or pocket on the front of a shirt can be helpful but my kids have gotten confused with solid shirts or shirts with repeating patterns. One way to solve this problem is to teach them tags go on the back. Show them where a tag is on clothing, on the back collar, and how to hold their shirt when putting it on so that the tag ends up on the back. If they get their head through the hole and the tag is in the front they can spin the shirt around before putting arms through the sleeves. If pants, skirts or leggings get tricky you can teach them about the tag going on the back as well. My nephew was recently potty trained and struggled with putting his pants on the right way after finishing in the restroom. My sister taught him “tag goes one the booty” and now he says the phrase every time he is figuring out his clothing. It is pretty funny.
Why Kids Fight Getting Dressed
Dressing shouldn’t take too much time right? 5 minutes, maybe 6 if the clothes are inside out or there are buttons. Whenever we have something to do or somewhere to go it seems like it takes way longer for my kids to get dressed. Why is it taking so long? Well most of the time is spent fighting me on completing the task it at all. Most of the time is stalling and the last minute is them rushing to get it done because mom has lost her patience. They are capable of dressing themselves, just not interested in my agenda.
I think my kids fight me when its time to get dressed for two reasons. One is when they are vying for direct attention. They know if they stall I will be on them to get dressed. And when they stall long enough I may even give up and dress them myself. It is best not to encourage this behavior. When I catch us in this rut I will start to give praise and attention to tasks completed, or siblings who are doing what is asked of them instead of focusing on the one who is delaying. Usually when they see they aren’t getting the attention they want they will start doing what was asked so they can get praise as well. The trickiest part of this scenario is keeping my cool and realizing what is going on.
The second reason my kids fight getting dressed is they are upset or uncomfortable with the transition. If your child is fighting you when it comes to changing clothes try smoothing out the transition from what they were doing previously to what they will be doing when they complete changing clothes. If your child is going to bed next you bet they will drag out getting ready as long as they can to delay bedtime. If they are getting dressed then heading to school the same delay may occur. I recommend squeezing in an activity they really enjoy between getting dressed and the activity they are stalling from. Perhaps have a snack after dressing and before school. They will want to finish dressing at normal speed or quickly to get the reward. If the next activity is bedtime choose to read a book, sing a song together or another activity they like before bed. Try to keep the activity non-stimulating so your bedtime routine doesn’t become wind them up.