Bedtime can be overwhelming…. Everyone is tired, stubborn and over following directions for the day. Basically a recipe for disaster. We have nights that are overwhelming from time to time. But for the most part we try to keep bedtime a calm and smooth transition from day time activities to sleep.
Make a routine that works for both the adult and the child. Make bedtime a priority, don’t rush it. Rushing will result in high emotions and a wound up child. Practice your routine over and over so the children know what to expect and can mentally prepare themselves for bed. Falling asleep is a life skill that many struggle with. Teach them good habits while they are young that will carry over into adulthood.
When I was a young mother and transitioning my one year old from her bassinet beside my bed into her own room, and struggling, a friend told me a story. She had realized how important learning to fall asleep was when she had been at camp one summer. She was in a new place, the environment was different from home and she really wished she had learned to fall asleep naturally. She needed a fan, some white noise and some light to sleep and camp had none of that. She was determined to teach her own children to fall asleep with minimal help and she inspired me to be intentional in our bedtime routine.
Bedtime Routine
I used to have a love hate relationship with bedtime. I loved that my kids were getting to bed and I would potentially have an hour to myself after they fell asleep. But I hated the nightly power struggle and tantrums that flared up when my kiddos were tired and reluctant to go to bed. Preparing for bedtime has become routine and my children now know what to expect. It now comes down to managing their tiredness and emotions each day to make a smooth transition into bed for all of us.
A bedtime routine should be something you can be consistent at. It should be unique to your families needs and schedule. The routine should be a smooth transition from day activities into soothing your child to sleep and getting needed rest.
Here is a good look at what our bedtime routine looks like. We start preparing for bed before we head to our rooms for the night. About 20-30 minutes before announcing bedtime I suggest my kids get a last snack or drink to prevent last minute demands that they are hungry. Then I have them tidy up their toys or the living room so we can start the next morning with a little less chaos.
Deciding which child goes first to get changed or brush teeth is often an arguing point so I try to eliminate the fight by assigning who will do what first. On non- bath nights, I will pick a child to start brushing their teeth and one to get their pj’s on as we head up the stairs. While they are changing for bed we pick out what they will wear in the morning and set it out for the next day. We also smooth out the covers and remove any hard toys from bed. Once they are done dressing or brushing their teeth they switch places.
The child in the bathroom brushes their teeth, uses the toilet and washes their face and hands. Teeth used to be a huge struggle for my oldest son and would result in tears and tantrums until we started using an app to help direct him how to brush. Check out more on that in my post on Oral Hygiene with Kids.
If we do have bath or shower planned my daughter goes first, so her hair has more time to dry and the boys play or clean up while waiting. Once she is done the boys get in and bathe / play and she gets ready for bed while she waits for them. Having the kids work in shifts has been the most efficient and effective get ready process we have tried. When my kids are tired they are less pleasant towards each other and keeping them separated is the most calming.
Once everyone is ready we all give hugs and say goodnight then get into bed. I flip off the lights and then usually Oliver, my 2 year old, grabs his blanket and stuffed animal and comes over to be rocked on my lap. I sit in a rocking chair and sing two rounds of “You Are My Sunshine” then hum another two rounds. I rock Oliver until he requests to be laid down in his bed or he nods off. My son Anderson takes the longest to fall asleep, usually another 10-15 minutes longer than Oliver and Eleanor. I stay in the room until they are all sleep, usually doing a devotional or reading on my phone.
Some nights the kids are antsy and restless before sleep. They may try to move around the room, play or sit up and talk. When this happened I usually let it slide for a few minutes and then tell them to “lay down”. A huge benefit of me being in the room with them is they don’t need to come looking for me if them need a drink or help with covers. And they aren’t staying up longer than necessary talking or playing.
We got into the habit of staying in the room with our kids because Eleanor has always hated being alone. Bedtime was hard when she was a baby and cry it out never worked with her. When she was small she wouldn’t want us to leave and leaving before she was asleep pro-longed the whole bedtime routine. So we have chosen to stay in the room until the kids are out. Sometimes I remain in the room for quite a while after they have fallen asleep because I am enjoying the quiet and my book. If my husband puts the kids down he often brings in headphones and watches videos on his phone. He tends to stay in the room a long time becoming very involved in his show or even falling asleep himself.
This is the bedtime routine we have stuck with for a while. All three children share a room which makes it easier. When Oliver was sleeping in our room as a baby we split up and mom took the baby, dad took the older two. With them all in one room one parent does bedtime and the other gets some extra “me” time.
What Time Should a Child Go To Sleep?
For us the time we put our kids to bed is based on what time they get up. Eleanor gets up with the sun no matter what, we tried keeping her up late and she would wake at the same time. Only grumpy because she didn’t get enough rest. In a blacked out room she knows the sun is up and wakes, she must have a gift! We try to start our bedtime routine around 7 pm and have them in bed and falling asleep by 8 pm. Her body clock is set on her wake up time and she falls asleep rather quickly every night. Sometimes if we are out she will fall asleep because that’s what she is used to.
The time your family picks for bedtime should factor in what time your child wakes up or needs to wake up for school or other activities. I have found that keeping us on a routine even when we don’t have a plan in the morning is helpful. So on the weekends we try to keep our weekday bedtime. If we are out late and miss bedtime we factor in some extra rest or patience the next day because our kids will be grumpy.
How Much Sleep a Child Needs
Some kids need more sleep than others. As they grow they will need less and less sleep, newborns sleep constantly and adults can function on 8 hours or fewer. Here are some average sleep requirements from the Mayo Clinic so you can calculate how much sleep your little ones need.
| 1-4 weeks old | 15-16 hours per day |
| 1-12 months old | 14-15 hours per day |
| 1-3 years old | 12-14 hours per day |
| 3-6 years old | 10-12 hours per day |
| 7-12 years old | 10-11 hours per day |
| 12-18 years old | 8-9 hours per day |
My children get around 10- 11 hours of sleep each night (usually 8 pm to 6 or 7 am) and my youngest takes a 2 hour nap daily pushing him to 12 hours of sleep a day, right on course with the chart. My older two don’t nap anymore but every now and then they will doze off on a car ride. We don’t usually calculate how much sleep the kids are getting but if they are ever unusually emotional or cranky we try to work in a little nap, quiet time or early bedtime to help them make up sleep loss.
Preventing The Sleep Stall
Does your kid stall going to bed at night? They are thirsty, they need a blanket, an extra kiss from mom, another bathroom trip anything they can think of to get out of bed. Adding as much time to the bedtime routine that they can.
I prevent the bedtime stall by preparing properly and being firm. I start our routine before actually telling them to get ready for bed. I warn them when the last snack time is, usually 20- 30 minutes before bed so their belly will be full and they have no reason to argue with me because they had an option to eat. Once we start getting ready for bed I have them use the restroom before getting into bed and get a last sip of water after using mouthwash again wiping out that reason to get up once they are all tucked in. We also stay in the room with our children until they have fallen asleep to make sure they stay in bed. There are times when they get up and ask for things like help with blankets, to have the ceiling fan turned up or down. Being in the room with them keeps them from getting too far out of bed or waking up siblings who may have fallen asleep already to ask for help.
Most requests made after the lights have gone off are not allowed. They get a firm reminder that they will have to wait until morning for food or water. Firm reminders have been working so far. If my kids start sitting up or rolling out of bed to play I ignore them for a few minutes if they are being quiet so they can figure out what they need. But if they make too much noise or talk I ask them to lay down firmly. That usually does the trick and they are asleep in a few minutes.
Working on leaving the room and having the children fall asleep alone is the next phase we will be working on. We just haven’t pulled the trigger because we don’t want to rock the boat. We enjoy our routine at the moments we get to spend together at night. Will work on helping them fall asleep alone when we are ready too.
Related Questions
Are naps, helpful or harmful to bedtime?
Naps can be helpful or harmful depending on the age of your child and if he/ she is getting enough sleep. My oldest dropped naps around 3 years old, she never liked naps or took long ones any way so in some ways it was less stress to eliminate them than to try and force a nap. My son dropped naps around 4 years old. He was a great napper who would sleep for 3 hours if the situations was perfect. But napping became an issue when he slept too long during the day and struggled to fall asleep at night. He is nautraly more of a night owl than my other two children and if he doesn’t get some activity in duding the day he may be up 20 or 30 minutes longer than the other two. If he seems over tired or falls asleep on a car ride we try not to let his nap be too long.
Our youngest is 2 and still naps about 2 hours a day around noon. This extra rest is needed because of his age and sleep requirements. If he doesn’t get enough sleep for his nap or at night he gets over-tired. He will be overly fussy, cranky and emotional. Putting an over tired child to bed is not fun at all. Gauge your child and their sleep needs. If they are cranky at bedtime more rest during the day may needed, if they are not tired at bedtime then shortening naps or eliminating them may be needed.
Why doesn’t my child want to go to bed?
If fun things are happening in the home when its bed time it’s hard for little ones to go to bed. They have the fear of missing out and will want to be involved. We usually wind up movies, tv shows or games before we announce bedtime. If a movie is running too long we turn it off with a promise to resume it again the next day. Both my husband and I help with the bedtime routine and do quiet activities after the kids are asleep so they have a good environment to sleep in. Try to keep the home quiet while they are falling asleep so they don’t startle and get out of bed to investigate.
If you have had a busy and exciting day day try to transition them into a more relaxed mood before starting the bedtime routine. Some low key activities to try are:
- Reading books together
- taking a relaxing bubble bath
- playing a quiet game like cards or board games
- singing lullaby’s together
- talking about the day and remembering the best parts
While we try to keep the evenings low key also make sure your child is getting enough activity during the day. Physical activity uses energy and getting some physical activity in during the day helps them sleep better at night. Swimming always tires my kids out, but so can a day playing at the park, running dancing, jumping around and being social with friends.
Having a bedtime routine that you are consistent with will also help them realize bedtime is coming and help them transition into it smoothy.